When I first knew I was going to be in the film, around early 2016, I decided to write a theme song, The Ballad of the Blue Iguana. Hajaig never asked me to. I just thought it would be fun to have one, a cowboy song, something in the style of Dean Martin's Five Card Stud, Frankie Laine's 3.10 to Yuma, or Bacharach and David's The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance. Namely, a song that told the story of the film and referenced the main characters and key plot points. My all-time favourite of these was the 1953 Fritz Lang movie Rancho Notorious, with its theme song's brilliantly brittle refrain: 'Hate, murder and revenge!'

Mr H thought long and hard about using my theme song over the closing titles (I made him an offer he almost couldnít refuse: he could have it for free) and we went as far as recording a vocal track at Andre's studio, but HH decided, correctly, I think, that a more modern vibe was required, hence the song that actually closes the film.

So now I've got a song about the film which isn't in the film. That puts my ballad in some good company though. It's like Georgie Fame's The Ballad of Bonnie and Clyde, which doesn't feature in the 1967 film Bonnie and Clyde. And that self-same song The Man Who Shot Liberty Vallance, which isn't in the movie of that title.

So now there's the The Ballad of the Blue Iguana, which isn't in the film Blue Iguana. Iíve since recorded a complete version of the song, arranged by my friend Brendan Gill, who also plays keyboards and guitars on the track, and that track will soon be posted on my Youtube Channel.

These are the lyrics, which cover the key characters without giving too much away

The Ballad of the Blue Iguana, words and music (c) Tom Tunney

The Blue Iguana, when two knights in shining armour hit London Town.
No top bananas, they're packin' heat, they're gonna shake those Limeys down.

'Cause when a gunman meets a woman, you never know what's comin', that's for sure, that's for sure
'Cause she's pert, prim and pretty, the Princess of this city and much more, oh so much more.

The Blue Iguana, Eddie and Paul, they want it all and they want it now
The Blue Iguana, takin' chances, livin' fast, they'll show you how

Sparklin' diamonds, double-crosses, dodgin' bullets and crime bosses, deadly fun, they're on the run
Listen, Big Ben is a peelin' and the villains all are reelin' and, for Eddie, She's the One.

The Blue Iguana, South Yorkshire nutter Deacon Bradshaw rules by fear.
So much bad karma, blood will flow and bullets fly now that he's here.

Dirty words and dirty dealin', dirty shirts and dirty stealin', life to him is just a killin' game.
But his momma gives the orders and he's right up on the borders of completely insane.

The Blue Iguana, a dizzy prize of priceless wealth for they who dare
The Blue Iguana, a sizzlin' saga of love and murder and bad hair

She's a gal with sex appeal in a world where's nothin's real but loot and lies, just loot and lies.
He's a dude with attitude and when he's in the mood, he'll make her fly, they'll fly so high.

(instrumental break)

But with that look in her eye, he'd be happy to die for just one kiss, just one kiss
And with her hands on his trigger, his love is growin' bigger, this is bliss, oh this is bliss!

The Blue Iguana, when two knights in shining armour hit London Town.
The Blue Iguana, when two knights in shining armour hit London Town.


SO WHATíS NEXT FOR DINO LAINE?

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The Ballad of the Blue Iguana, the Title Song that Never Made the Film
Dino Laine Times Three